Would you want to read minds? My rambling thoughts.

I wish I could read minds.

But not every mind.  And it wouldn’t be like an uncontrolled thing.  Because who knows what I would find in some people’s minds, and I guarantee I would enjoy some people’s thoughts much more than others’.  No, I would want to control who I read; it would be like a selective sort of power.  Not automatic/unintentional; I would be able to turn my power on and off whenever I wanted, like a light switch.  If a person came up to me, and I wanted to know what they were thinking, I would just tell myself, okay, I would like to know what this person is thinking.  But if I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have to.  Because again, I wouldn’t always want to know.

But maybe my power should be expanded; like maybe it shouldn’t even matter if the person is in my vicinity; maybe they could be miles and miles away and I would still be able to read their thoughts.  That would be useful.

It would just be so handy to read minds.  It could also potentially be a very helpful political tool.  Like if the president of one nation is doing a deal with a sketchy president from another nation, I would be able to tell the nice president if said sketchy president is going to stay true to his word or bail.  Also, I might finally be able to tell the world what freaking North Korea is actually up to.  It would be so handy.

This is assuming that only I would have the power to read minds.  Which I guess is a tad selfish, and a hint at my somewhat inflated ego.  But I do admit that I consider myself a very good person– good, in this context, meaning opposite of evil–and I know for a fact that had I this power of reading minds, I would not abuse it or become corrupt.  Because honestly, I can’t see myself becoming corrupt.  I would instead use this power as a force for good.  Yes, obviously I would also want to use this power for selfish reasons, like knowing if *George really does want to date me, or if my best friend is lying when she tells me that dress looks great.  But ultimately, I would use my power to try and bring more peace to this world than exists at present.  Because let’s be real, all I really want for this planet is some goddamn peace.

It’s probably a combination of my slightly inflated ego and the fact that I am a female that makes me so certain that I would not become corrupt with this power.  I mean, let’s face it; minus some extreme cases, women are generally much less likely than men to want to wage war on one another or want to gain power via violence and intimidation.  Men are constantly feeling the need to prove their macho-ness, while women really just want everyone to be peaceful and content and happy.  Okay, that’s a gross generalization but from my experience and observations, it is for the most part true.  I sincerely believe that if only women ruled the world, we would live in a much better place.  True, females can be vicious and cruel to one another via insults and bullying, but just think what would happen; today, men rule the world and they solve their problems by fighting it out and punching one another until one side wins physically.  That’s how it has always been, because men just naturally solve their problems physically.  Women, on the other hand, are much more inclined to attack each other verbally, so really, if women ruled the world, we wouldn’t have a problem with wars; instead, we would have a problem with Facebook and Twitter rants and angry e-mails; basically, hate mail.  And in my opinion, hate mail is a hell of a lot better than war, when put in perspective.  That’s not to say that there aren’t women who would go to war.  There are some tough cookies out there.  But frankly, I think it takes a lot more guts to try and solve problems without physical fights than to decide to go to war.

I have no idea how this exploration into mind-reading turned into a feminist declaration.  These are just my thoughts, rambling on as they come to me.  In a way, you are basically reading my mind right now.  But only a small portion of it.  Because minds are vast, scary things.  Life may be like a box of chocolates (no, I haven’t been watching Forrest Gump recently, despite what you may think), but so are minds; you never know what’s going to pop up.

*Name has been changed.  So really, you’re not reading my mind, because I’m filtering it.

A small poem.

Oh my, where do I begin?

Actually, that was misleading.  I sincerely apologize for my horrifically long absence, however I am not going to bore you with a summary of everything that has been going on in my life during said absence from this blog.  All I will say at the moment is that right now, I am doing some soul-searching/life-reorganizing.  Well, that sounds a little more drastic than it actually is.  Really, I have just shifted my mindset towards the next few years a little.  Instead of explaining this in a boring paragraph, I will insert a poem (or something of the sort) that I have spontaneously written that pretty much sums up my current emotions, and I will leave you at that.

Life

is a roller coaster.

It has me on a hectic

terrifying

exhilarating

ride.

It’s true:

life really is

just like a box of chocolates

you never know what you’re going to get.

It’s like a song

waiting to be composed.

Or a dance

not yet choreographed.

It’s like a puzzle

waiting to be put together

but there’s no picture on the box

to tell you how it’s supposed to look.

I feel a strange feeling

something I have never really felt before:

confusion.

That scary feeling of not knowing

what life will bring

of not having a strict plan

for once.

I need a plan

but do I?

When I think I realize

maybe I’m not so confused after all.

I may not know what I want

but I know what I love.

Sometimes life’s little surprises

are blessings

in disguise.

My eyes are open now

I see my possibilities.

All there is left to do

is ride the ride for a little while

and wait for another door to open.

Happy February!

In the spirit of this Valentine’s Day month, here is a random assortment of things I’m loving right now:

All of these pictures were obtained, of course, from Pinterest (my obsession).  I especially love looking at cool hairstyles like the one above, and sometimes I’m like, “I should try that!”  Then I get sad because I realize that I am definitely not skilled enough to even attempt those cool hairstyles.  Whenever I try I just end up embarrassing myself.  I mean, my favorite hairstyle is throwing my hair up into a bun because it only takes like ten seconds.  Case in point.

January was a super busy month for me but it was actually a pretty awesome month as well; I did go back to school, and I had to endure midterms, but they went well.  I also performed in like eight music competitions (okay, more like two) and I ended up taking the top prize in both of them, so that definitely made me feel pretty happy!  February is going to be another busy month; I’m traveling to music things literally every weekend, and I am also preparing for a music scholarship audition in early March!  It’s a good thing I really enjoy playing my saxophone.

Okay that’s pretty much all for today, I hope you all have a lovely February!

Thoughts On the Holiday Season

Hello everyone!

I’m not sure what to write about today.  I just felt that I needed to write something.

I must say that I am quite disappointed that Christmas is over.  My family has left our Christmas tree and decorations up around the house sort of in a sense of denial that the holiday season is ending.  But this morning my mom uttered that crushing phrase: “Soooo when are we going to take the Christmas stuff down?”

Never.

Just kidding.  I will have to face reality eventually.  I just like Christmas.  A lot.  It’s my favorite holiday, and mainly for reasons that have nothing to do with Jesus, which is probably silly because the whole holiday is about celebrating Jesus.  And, I mean, I love Jesus, but what I really love about Christmas (and the whole month of December, really) is that festive holiday atmosphere.  Yes, horribly sad things still occur in the month of December, but I (somewhat naively) still like to think of it as a happy, warm time.  I also just really enjoy Christmas decorations; I think it makes the house so much more fun.  AND of course I love playing Christmas music on my instruments, especially the piano, because I literally have a huge folder labeled CHRISTMAS MUSIC that I break out every year.  A lot of them are really easy pieces because, well, I’ve been breaking them out every year since I started playing, but I don’t even mind.  I just enjoy playing.  It makes me feel festive.

This year, I literally got two presents under the tree.  Well, three, but the third one doesn’t really count because it goes with the second one.  HOWEVER this is not a complaint.  This is actually something that makes me feel good, because you know what?  I’m not disappointed at all.  In fact, I’m glad I got a very minimal amount of presents.  I actually specifically told my parents not to get me hardly anything, because there’s this small thing called college tuition that I need to save up for.  And it’s a pretty hefty cost, thus my insistence on not wasting money on an abundance of Christmas presents.

When I did spend money on gifts, it was for other people.  And this year I really got into the giving spirit.  I mean, I think I finally realized how much better it feels to give someone a gift and watch them open it than receive a gift myself.  I always thought that was just a silly adage that people say just to make someone who didn’t get many gifts feel better.  But it’s really true.   And it’s kind of a liberating feeling; by giving more gifts than I received, I feel incredibly unselfish and secure in myself.  And it’s a good feeling; I mean, who wants to feel selfish?  I don’t feel like I need lots of gifts in order to have a good Christmas; my Christmas Day was wonderful because I just spent time with my family.  That’s what it’s all about.  It’s not about getting as many gifts as possible.  When I was little, I used to count my gifts under the tree, wanting to have more than my sister.  Obviously I have matured in age, but I feel like I am now in the place where I just simply do not need any more stuff.  I don’t want to go shopping, because I don’t want any more shirts that will just hang in my closet among the other articles of clothing, only to be worn like once a month, if that.  I don’t want a ton of Christmas presents or birthday gifts that will just end up being part of the clutter.  I’m tired of stuff.  And really, it’s all stuff.  None of it is really necessary.  They’re all things I thought I wanted at one point, and now they’re just part of the stuff.

Okay, I think I have exhausted the “cleanse yourself of unnecessary material things” lecture.  I can’t think of much else to say.  Also, I have things to do.  Bye for now!

I dedicate this to the children.

In light of what has happened today, I wrote a poem.

Hate

it’s so commonplace

like your breakfast cereal.

We all possess it

to different degrees

a common trait.

Our species is weird.

We’re good

kind

compassionate

loving

but other times

we’re evil

horrible

sick

disgusting

hateful.

Hate is our fuel

it protects us

keeps us strong

right?

We will never realize

our flaw.

We will never change.

We may change policies

practices.

But there will always be those

stupid ones

who insist on going about their day

like normal

until it’s their child

that is taken.

What drives this need

to hurt

to fall into black

to buy a handgun

like you’re buying a donut?

I don’t understand

how we do these things

but we do.

Tragedy has become

everyday.

We see it on the news

think oh how sad

then change the channel

and forget.

How much more blood

suffering

murder

can this world take?

Why can’t we just love?

Because love is difficult.

Why can’t we just be at peace?

Because peace is boring.

Love is strong

but not strong enough

apparently.

 

Happy Holidays!

Just checking in so you all know I haven’t been lost in a jungle or something.

I have a few minutes of free time, thus I have used it to find cute holiday animal pictures.  Because isn’t that what everyone does with their free time?

Christmas is my favorite holiday.  I’m not even religious, I just love Christmas/December/winter holidays.  The atmosphere is just so warm (minus the weather) and festive and happy.  Also, I love playing Christmas music on all four of my instruments.  Fun time!

Enjoy:

Happy holidays!

Book Talk: The Things They Carried

I know right now you’re probably marveling over the fact that I have actually posted on this blog twice over the course of only a couple of days.

And yes, it is very unusual.

But something has compelled me to write.  In my English class, we have begun reading a novel called The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien.  It tells the story of various soldiers, written from various perspectives, in the Vietnam War.  It’s based loosely on the author’s experiences, because honestly, how can you write an authentic war novel without having experienced war yourself?

But this war novel isn’t like other war novels.  It’s written in a really abstract, stream-of-consciousness style, and the narration is blunt, unfiltered, and completely shatters all pretenses.

Anyway, the other night I was reading a chapter.  I stayed up pretty late and I ended up reading well past the page that I was assigned to read to this weekend, because I literally could not put it down.  I just kept turning the page, turning the page.  This particular chapter was telling the story of how the narrator was drafted into the war, but he wanted desperately not to leave his life; he was very smart, set to attend graduate school at Harvard, and had a very bright future.  So he wrestled with this for a while, and finally ran away to some empty resort close to the Canadian border.  There, this old man helped him come to his decision without the two ever actually talking.  The old man took him out on the water one day and they got close enough to Canada that he could see the bushes, and then he decided that he would go to Vietnam.  He said he would be a “coward” and go to war.

Well, I was reading this and out of the blue, I started to cry.

Real sobs, too.  Not just quiet movie tears.  Like chest-heaving, bawling crying.  I don’t even know why I started to cry.  It just happened.  I was reading about this guy and the war and how going to war made him a coward because if he didn’t, he would be embarrassed, and I just got really sad.  Something inside me was struck, like a sensitive nerve that had been set to go off for some time.  Anyway, I just sat there and cried and thought.  I shut the cover of the book and closed my eyes and thought.  I thought about war, how the human race doesn’t seem to be able to exist without violence and dispute.  I thought about this guy and his life lost because he was drafted into a senseless war.  I thought about how completely, utterly depressing it is that he chose to go to war because shame and embarassment were worse than the hell hole of Vietnam.

So anyway.  Just needed to write this down somewhere.